Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I'm Proud to be a Scatter Brained Freak

I've always been a scatter brained freak. Always shifting my focus to different things. Always looking for the next big creative thing that I could do. Before I discovered television production, I was on my way becoming a musician. I was playing unrehearsed, embarrassing gigs at dive bars when I landed an internship and immediately fell in love with it. It was exactly what I was looking for, new concepts every day, new focus almost every minute...But at least it was the same medium. I miss it.

But do I?

You see, I turned to different media forms after I was excluded from television, shortly after a lay off. I wrote a book. Then after discovering how much grammar and writing practice I needed, I decided to start writing magazine articles. Then, after my skills became regarded by local, regional and national editors... I began to throw it all away because of an ego (only a newbie writer could obtain), combined with my lack of financial stability and the creative exhaustion, when I returned back into the television world, assigned to producing a local television show.

Being out of the television medium for almost 6 months has once again launched me into a scurry of searching for an new one. Readers of this blog will notice my attempt to make designs for people to wear. I've pissed off people, I've made people laugh and I've discovered some of the local and global issues that really slap the nerves of some folks. It was fun. It was dangerous. It was fun because it was dangerous. The Internet is definitely a medium I'm interested in learning more about. But I realized very soon that the shirts were merely a creative band-aid. I grew bored of it...Then discovered pod casting and completely fucked that up. Then I wanted to start a business and midway through my business plan I returned back to writing a book about my fascination about rock n' roll and my very strange rendevous with a international rock star.

Then I go to a few really good concerts and all of the sudden I want to become a musician again...

What the FUCK!!!!!! Am I crazy? Back to where I started over 10 years ago, before I accepted an internship at the television station. I drive my friends, family, wife, dog, cats and myself batty with my endless pursuit of finding a perfect medium.

I'm not upset about it though. I'm happy that I'm still hungry for more. If I wasn't, I'd probably be dead. I've learned a lot over the years while searching for the perfect medium that there is no such thing as a perfect medium. The best chance I have to be happy with my creativity is if I choose either web, television, writing or music and apply the lessons from the mistakes of my past.

It's never to late to begin again. It's actually nice having a fresh start. Which ever door I choose in my immediate can expect me to be there for a while, making smarter moves.


Blogger shannon said...

This is not because of my jeff tweedy

May 31, 2006  
Blogger beba said...

:) wow being freak is great !
music , guitars and very nice world no?!

June 01, 2006  
Blogger Simone said...

One word: RITALIN. ;-)

No, but seriously - you should be happy that you have this drive to explore the world around you. Other people just sit on their couches and wait for it to be over.

Carpe Diem, my friend.

June 01, 2006  
Blogger Slider said...

LOL Simone.

Thanks though for the encouraging words!

June 01, 2006  
Blogger BrENDa said...

...."my very strange rendevous with a international rock star."

I've been seeing him everywhere since our conversation at Cascade Lakes. He was on Letterman (or Leno -- can't remember) the other night, and I kept laughing through his performance, yelling "STOP FOLLOWING ME!" at the television. It was great. Had to be there.

June 02, 2006  
Blogger Slider said...

LOL Brenda! I never finished my story...that was chapter 6 of 10.

Can't wait to finish telling both of you the rest of it.


June 03, 2006  
Blogger Jake said...

Man, I think I need some ritalin just reading that.

June 04, 2006  

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